I don't recommend starting off your day by hitting a squirrel.

Josiah and I were having a perfectly honest conversation about the brutality of war on the way to school. He takes this kind of conversation like a trooper, not like a 6 year old.  I noticed a squirrel frantically racing across the street. I slowed down like any good humanitarian would. It appeared as though he would have plenty of time to cross the street in front of me, except that he must have dropped a nut or become demon possessed or suicidal. He switched directions and then switched directions again just in time to meet the rubber end of my back tire. He didn't feel like much, but he certainly wasn't pretty in the rearview mirror. I was thankful that Josiah missed this whole interaction with nature and prayed to the Lord, "Please let my day get better than this." 

My entire day wasn't terrible. I had a delicious coca-cola on the way to work after dropping Josiah off  at school. This is one of my great pleasures in life. In fact, the Chinese name for coca-cola is "Delicious Happiness." Can I just say that those people know how to name a drink? So, anyway, I was fairly productive at work and things seemed to be going fairly well. Then, I heard someone mid-day mention that I-5 was closed going North to Seattle. It just so happens that I just solidified plans this week to travel to Seattle to visit some people I really care about and attend a breast cancer conference. It worked out that my work needed to have someone take Friday so I volunteered to make traveling a bit easier for everybody. I was reminded that I was going to be paid for Saturday when I attended the conference and for just a bit I got to think about what it was going to be like to be a giddy bachelorette for one weekend. No kids, off to the big city all by myself. It all came crashing down with one photo of I-5 submerged beneath something like 10 feet underwater. That put the grand kabosh on that. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I can take a while to commit to an obligation away from my house. When I do commit, however, I'm in 110%.  It took me a while to commit to the idea of heading toward Seattle.  It took me a while to get to the place where I was excited to sit in a conference all day. However, I got there. I was excited. I was so excited I had trouble getting to sleep last night. 

I have lived that kind of excitement over and over about the idea of our girls coming home from Haiti. At the end of each step with the promise of the next step I have let myself get excited. (sometimes even when I say I won't I do...I just can't help it.) With each step has come more waiting and disappointment. It is for this reason that I can barely stand the disappointment today. My heart is full of all the disappointment it can take. I wonder Lord, how much I can take. I would prefer it if we not continue to test this area. 

On a tender note, my heart was filled with joy when I walked through the door and my little people grabbed my legs and loved on me. Elijah and I practiced kissing. He would kiss my ear and I would kiss his trigus. He would kiss my cheek and I would kiss his clavical. He would kiss my forehead and I would kiss his xyphoid process. As I kissed each of those places I would name them and for some reason these silly names made the boys giggle into hysterics. It is for this reason that I am not completely broken. I look for the joy even through my veil of sorrow. Here is to my friend the squirrel. May he rest in peace.